OFFENDING

Today it seems that it doesn't take very much to offend some people. Some people are offended by almost everything. It seems as if they have a real bad day if they can't find something to be offended by. But know this-Being easily offended is a sign of selfishness, insecurity, and lack of wisdom. It appears as a small problem, but in reality but in reality, it will keep you from experiencing joy and peace, and God's best for your life.

It happens to any human that lives to be the age of ten. If you live any length of time you will be offended.  It’s going to happen to you and probably numerous times. In life, you will be offended. Think about it! We begin offending people as soon as they are born. One of the first things done to a newborn child is the doctor smacks it on the behind. He inflicts pain from the time you are born. That, to me, is somewhat offensive.

If you read the Gospels, people were even offended at Jesus. 12 Then His disciples came and said to Him, "Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?" (Mat 15:12 NKJ) and there is Mark  6:3-“3 "Is this not the carpenter, the Son of Mary, and brother of James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? And are not His sisters here with us?" And they were offended at Him [Jesus]. (Mar 6:3 NKJ)  Jesus is still offensive to some people to this day.

  Eventually someone is going to hurt your feelings. Maybe they make fun of something you are wearing or something you said. Or a group of friends goes out to eat together and you are left out. Or maybe the attacks are much worse. Maybe someone attacks your character or says something about you that is not true. How do we deal with this? What is our normal course of action? 

The honest truth is that Christians do not handle conflict very well. Too often we either do nothing at all, trying to avoid any form of conflict, or our emotions propel us to overreacting. Isn’t it interesting that the church is made up of individuals—many of whom have trouble getting along—and yet our pulpits often remain silent about what to do when you get your feelings hurt? I think many of the “problems” we have in the church today could be fixed or avoided if we would just spend some time discussing hurt feelings. 

Here’s what I tried to teach my children regarding getting their feelings hurt.-- You will get your feelings hurt. In fact, I’ve probably already been one of the ones to hurt your feelings.  Welcome to the reality of being a human being.

           Congratulations—welcome to the human race. This is one of those things that you will deal with the rest of your life, because people are not perfect. The first thing I want you to do the next time you get your feelings hurt is to stop and ask yourself if you are really all that important. Part of the reason our feelings are hurt is because someone offended us—which means we probably have a pretty high view of ourselves. “How dare them do that to me?!”  Or, “How dare them say that about me?!” Before you ask questions like that, check yourself—and remind yourself that you are not God or His sinless Son. In fact, what you are is a sinner in need of a spotless sacrifice. Don’t forget that!  You are an imperfect sinner.

Chuck Colson, founder of Prison Fellowship, was in a meeting with the chairman of a giant publishing company who boasted, "Our newspaper chain was instrumental in the removal of the Ten Commandments from the walls of our public schools." Colson asked him why he thought they should be removed, and the CEO answered, "They offend people of other religions. Besides, we must separate church and state." Later in the meeting, this same executive brought up the subject of juvenile crime. He asked, "What are we going to do about the rising rate of teen delinquency? Occurrences of theft on the school campus have increased at an alarming rate over the past decade. What can we do to teach kids that stealing is wrong?" Chuck Colson said, "Maybe we should put a sign on the wall that says, 'You Shall Not Steal.'" The newspaperman said, "That's a good idea!"

             Second, do your best to treat the offending person the way you would want to be treated. In Matthew 7:12 , Jesus commanded, “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”    This is a tough one, because if you feel hurt your normal tendency may be to lash out or punish the offender. Treat them how you would want to be treated. Because the reality is you may not know the entire situation. How many times are people wrestling with things (e.g., sickness, death of a loved one, stress at work, etc.) and you have little or no knowledge of it. Yes, they may have hurt your feelings---but you just might be the recipient of something that is even more troubling in their life. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but hopefully, you might be able to better understand and be more compassionate.

        People will say things such as "That offends me." But just because they are offended (or you) does not automatically make them (or you) right. If you are easily offended you are easily manipulated.

          Third, follow Biblical principles. The Bible has advice to both those who are offended and those who offend. In Matthew 18:15 Jesus admonishes, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” So have the courage to talk to them. Likewise, in Matthew 5:23-24 we read, “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Sadly, when someone hurts us we expect them to do what Scripture says and come to us, but rarely do we go to them as Jesus recorded in Matthew 18. Both parties have a responsibility. Part of the reason I wanted you to first ask yourself if you were that important is to check your pride. Pride has stopped more relationships from healing than probably any other issue. Pride is what got Satan kicked out of heaven! Pride is a terrible sin. Pride is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. It is defined as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good works of others, and excessive love of self.  Dante’s “Divine comedy” (1265-1321) is a focus on the seven deadly sins, of which pride is a major part. The movie “Seven” (1995) written by Andrew Kevin Walker, directed by David Fincher (no relation) and starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman, a mysterious serial killer punishes transgressors of each of the seven deadly sins through his crimes.

So, check yourself first, Swallow your pride and talk to the person. You might be surprised at how quickly something can be cleared up when you just sit down and talk. 

           Lastly, remember these are just your feelings. The Bible records in Jeremiah 17:19 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?” Some people want to “speak their mind” when their feelings get hurt. 

However, what you should be doing is speaking the mind of Christ. At the end of the day God is what matters. Be Proactive, not reactive.-To be proactive simply means to take responsibility for our reactions. On the contrary, being reactive is to allow our environment, conditions, or experiences to determine our reactions or emotions.  Those who are reactive by nature means they give up on free will. Having the ability to choose our reaction is what separates us from animals. God gave us a conscience. He designed us with the ability to be self-aware of our own existence.

We remind ourselves that the Gospel is offensive and that if we speak out in defense of the truth (even in a loving way – 1 Corinthians 13:1 ) we’re going to make enemies of those in the world, even including friends and family. While such Scriptures are true and we’re right to comfort ourselves with the reminder that people hate God’s Word and not us, we can sometimes be guilty of missing a step.

Do not allow your hurt feelings to slow you down from your ultimate purpose. Satan would love for Christians to be caught up in petty feuds over hurt feelings. This one is a tough one—and you will have to constantly be working on it. You and I will need to work on this continually! It is a work in progress just as each one of us is a work in progress.  This work in progress is called sanctification. It is a progressive move on our part toward being like Jesus Christ. It is being better today than we were yesterday and better tomorrow than we were today.  Just remember when you lay your head on your pillow that even if all your friends make fun of you, there is still a God in heaven who loves you! And God loves you greatly! God loves you so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for you. That’s how much God loves you and I.